Working Through Big Feelings, Mindfully
We’ve made it! It’s officially the end of week three! These first few weeks have flowed with grace and ease, thanks to our amazing staff and families who have partnered with us to take these first steps. We thank you for all that you do, your constant communication, and your trust in us to care for the most precious beings in your life.
As we settle into the groove of school and possibly even several months in, you might start to notice your child becoming upset in the mornings. Drop-off might be more difficult than before or they might be having some changes to prior habits like eating or sleeping. We’re here to let you know that these things are normal and we’re here to work through them together!
It’s not uncommon for children to have big feelings about school after the initial days of school. As excited as they might be, commencing a new routine can be a lot on their little bodies and minds to process and adapt. Reality tends to sink in for young children after the first week. Even children who have been in school or childcare settings are currently settling into an entirely new routine with new teachers and friends in a new space. These periods of intense “clinginess” usually precede a huge development leap which can be scary for children. They are being asked to do things such as put their own things away, eat and sleep away from home, put on their own clothes and shoes, and even decide what to play with and how to put things away. Because they are on the cusp of a stage of growth, there can often be a regression of sorts.
During these times, young children’s bodies react in different ways as they learn to cope with the change, such as:
More restlessness or disruptions to their sleep
Changes in eating, loss of appetite
big emotions at drop-off, in the morning before school, before going to bed
saying things like, “I don’t want to go to school,” or “ I don’t like school.”
new/increase in behaviors like putting objects in their mouth, sensory-seeking, potty/bathroom accidents
separation anxiety
getting sick- their immune systems are on overdrive right now, especially with the introduction of a variety of new germs from new friends
It can be tough to see our little ones going through a rough time; teachers feel it too. Here are some tips we hope can help to ease the tension and help to navigate these moments with peace.
Always validate feelings.
It can be hard to hear your child say, “I don’t like school,” but it’s important for them to know that we hear them and we validate their emotions. Often, children at this age don’t have the proper language or complexity in language cognition to express what they truly feel, so they will project emotions in the most accessible manner. It’s important to validate these feelings, give them the space to feel them, and try to get to the root of the emotion. Do they not like being apart from you for such a long time? Do they miss you while at school? Are they having a hard time at drop-off? Try asking questions about their feelings and let them know they are heard.
“ I know you feel upset about going to school. It’s ok to feel upset sometimes. I know it’s hard to be away from each other for so long. But I need to go to work and you go to school where you can play with friends and do many exciting things. Your teachers can always comfort you when you’re feeling sad or missing me. And remember, I always come back after nap time to pick you up.”
Checking in on your routine.
What’s your morning routine like? Do you feel that it’s successful? As important as it is to stick to it, it’s also important to check in with your family and ask, “ is this serving us?” Maybe you need to adjust to having some extra bonding time in the morning or take a longer route to school to spend more quality time together. Find what works for you, and don’t hesitate to ask your child too! Asking them for input can help to validate those upset feelings, make them feel a part of the process, and shows them that their opinions matter. Even if their input isn’t possible (ice cream and park time before school!), it can help to know what’s on their mind and how we can integrate them into decisions that affect them directly.
Keep in mind to check in with yourself, too, and make plans that support the success of everyone that is involved. Once you have that routine down, try your best to stick with it. Little minds LOVE routine; the more we can keep the consistency, the better. When we can’t, the best thing is to use clear words to explain why and how things might change “We woke up late today! To have a successful morning, we’re going to take the stroller to school instead of walking to get there faster. Let’s see how fast we can go!”
3. Get creative & make positive associations!
Our best asset is our creativity during tough moments when nothing seems to fall into place. Try something new that you know that your child likes or might be interested in, like bringing in a different stuffy to “give them a tour of the school” or creating a new secret handshake to do at drop-off. Sometimes, the silliest things can bring the most comfort, like giving your child a hairclip you’re wearing or finding a pebble on the walkover that we can paint during work time. A very simple act you can do is to draw a red heart on your child’s hand and on your own hand to match and let them know that when they give their heart a kiss, you will feel their love, and when you give your heart a kiss, they will feel your love. The goal is to find solutions that engage your child in a new way while sticking to your routine and fore-fronting consistency. Having fun and happy moments in the morning can create a positive mindset coming into school, which cultivates a positive association with attending school.
Utilizing Mindfulness
Mindfulness and breathwork are two amazing tools that we can all utilize during moments of heightened stress, big feelings, and unease. One of our goals at wBees is to include mindfulness in everything we do, from teaching to staff meetings. There are many strategies like breathwork, mindful movement, meditation, and mindful language that we bring to the classroom as a way to empower children to be peaceful humans and to learn critical self-regulating skills that will set them up with an abundant foundation for success.
Mindfulness is useful for children in their early years because it aligns with how the brain develops. During the early years, the prefrontal cortex is in the process of making connections and circuits extremely fast, making it a critical moment to engage with skills that promote focus, executive functioning, self-regulation, patience, and judgment.
Breathwork*
Breathing is a wonderful introduction to mindfulness for children. Taking deep breaths allows us to connect to our bodies, reduce stress, and cultivate our inner peace. At wBees, we practice deep breathing during circle time, before a book, when we’re distressed or experience big emotions, and when our bodies have too many wiggles and it’s time to settle down. Some breathing techniques we love:
Three big breaths: Raise your hands up, up, up as you inhale, and bring them slowly all the way down as you exhale. Repeat 3 times.
Hissing breaths: Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale sssuuupppeerrr sssslowly through your mouth, making a hisssssing sound like a snake. Hissing breaths are a wonderful way to slow our exhales, mind, and body as we try to prolong the snake hiss.
Bunny breathing: Pretend you’re a bunny smelling around for some carrots! Take three quick sniffs as you inhale and one long exhales through the mouth.
Bear-belly breathing: Place your big bear paws on your bear belly and take a big bear breath in. As you inhale, notice how your bear belly fills up with air. As you exhale, feel your bear belly fall. After some breaths, let out a big bear growl.
Belly stones: lay flat on the ground and place a stone (or a small stuffy) on your belly. Watch the stone/stuffy rise and fall on your belly as you breathe. Focus on the movement and connect to the breath.
Flower and candle: Pretend to take out a flower and a candle, one in each hand. Look at your beautiful flower, breath in your flower, and breathe out as you blow out your candle. Repeat as many times as you need.
These are just a few strategies that can be useful in teaching children how to breathe mindfully. When our nervous system goes into fight, flight, freeze mode, the body does not prioritize higher functioning processes like planning and logic. Engaging in breathing is a powerful way to bring our brains back “online” and calm the body to be able to then process the situation and talk about what made them feel those big emotions and what to do next.
*When engaging in breath work, please note that asking a child to hold their breath is not developmentally appropriate.
Mindfulness and Social Emotional Learning
Mindfulness and social-emotional learning (SEL) go hand in hand. Social-emotional skills are the basis of most learning that happens in their early years. Recognizing and identifying feelings, identifying emotions, learning to build relationships, self-awareness, and self-regulation are all skills that benefit from mindfulness. SEL is integral for young children to establish self-confidence, respect for others, kindness, and empathy. Utilizing some of these strategies will help to scaffold and reinforce their learning and support their connection to themselves and the people around them.
Hello, feelings: When your child is intensely experiencing any emotion, invite them to say “hello” to that feeling by taking a pause and recognizing how they feel. “Oh, I notice you’re very upset. Let’s say, ‘hello, anger.’” You can then invite them to talk about why they are feeling angry, what made them feel angry, and what they can do to make them feel better. Asking a child to recognize their emotion and, furthermore, identify what will make them feel better is a wonderful first step in reaching self-regulation.
Point it out: Ask your child to point out feelings in books, stories, or pictures. Young children are learning to recognize feelings within their own bodies and out in the world. By asking them, “how is this character feeling?” you can encourage emotional recognition and begin a conversation. Other questions that can feed the conversation: “Why do you think they feel that way?” “What can they do to feel better?” “Who can they talk to?” “Have you ever felt that way?”
Appropriate outlet: No emotion is ever wrong or bad. All emotions are valid and normal. Children need to learn how to appropriately and safely let out and express all emotions. Running around the house might not be the best option for a child who is overly excited about an upcoming play date. Instead, work together to create a safe and appropriate way to release that excitement. Acknowledge the abundance of energy and excitement, then direct the child to jump up and down within a square outline made with tape in the hallway away from the furniture. For a child who is experiencing high levels of anger and distress, throwing toys is not a safe answer. Instead, they can push both hands against a wall as hard as possible to release that anger and frustration. There are plenty of safe alternatives to letting out big emotions, and don’t worry if it takes time to find the right ones for your child.
Storytelling: Creating a story out of a child’s emotional situation can be a great way to help them visualize their state of being. This functions as a way to mindfully reflect on how they reacted at the moment and to circle back on what went well and what can be improved upon.
If you have any mindful practices that you use at home, we’d love to hear and learn about them! We’re always looking to expand our mindfulness knowledge, and we’re happy to connect with you about how we can continue to foster peace within our own community too!
RESOURCES:
- This video by Plum Village explains in a beautiful way to children (and adults alike) how mindfulness can help us be calm when we are feeling big emotions.
- This Lovingkindness song (with movements) is a favorite amongst young children and helps remind us to spread love and peace all around.
- Books:
B is for Breathe by Melissa Munro Boyd
The Crayons’ Book of Feelings by Drew Daywalt
My Magic Breath by Nick Ortner and Alison Taylor
