Fostering Resilience
Part of the vast spectrum of social-emotional learning that children are exploring and learning in their early years is resilience. Building resilience in children helps to scaffold their internal sense of self and self-confidence, their self-esteem, and their internal compass.
One of my favorite sayings I learned early on while working at wBees was, “You can do hard things.” It’s short, sweet, and to the point, yet such a powerful reminder that each of us faces challenging moments constantly and we’re totally capable of approaching and overcoming those moments. We use this simple phrase across a variety of situations such as a reminder when a child is about to tackle a new work or as an acknowledgment after trying or completing a challenging task. The beauty of this phrase is that it also acknowledges that the situation or task is “hard” for them but just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not within their ability to master it.
Resilience is related to the capacity to activate the prefrontal cortex and calm the amygdala. When we create resilient strategies, we experience how physiological changes that are activated by stress start to reverse, expanding the capacity to recover from, adapt to, or find a solution to stress, challenges, or adversity. While this part of the brain doesn’t finish developing until much later in life, there are steps we can take to help young children set the foundation that will strengthen throughout their lifetime.
letting children fail and make mistakes
Failure is such a great teacher. When we reflect on what didn’t work, what caused things to go wrong, or how we can adjust to do better, we learn so much about our own approach and how to make effective changes for the future. Failure and making mistakes can feel HUGE for our littles but it can be an equally huge learning opportunity to experience cause and effect and brainstorm for future success.
not providing all the answers
It can be tempting to always give our children a helping hand or pass down our knowledge to them, but allowing them to figure things out on their own is such a crucial step in building resilience. When children take the chance to try things out again and again or move slowly through a process alone, it activates their full concentration, engages muscle memory, and gives them a larger sense of pride in themselves to figure it out and problem-solve independently.
asking “how” instead of “why”
During the early years, we want to activate the “problem-solving brain” as much as possible to help children make neurological connections, develop the language to explain their actions, and think critically about complex situations. Asking your child “How can we fix it/help/finish/start, ext. ?” or “How did you do that?” can open the door for more engaging conversations and empowering them to speak up and share their point of view.
building feelings of competence and sense of mastery: acknowledge strengths, bravery, efforts when trying something new or difficult
The Montessori materials that we utilize in the classroom can be described as “self-correcting” or “having a control of error” which relates to how they’re designed to indicate to the child when it is completed or done correctly without an adult telling them. Materials or activities with these properties engage children in intrinsic motivation that allows them to independently feel a sense of personal success and triumph. While we push for as much intrinsic motivation as possible at this age, we also make note to intentionally express external motivation. It’s an important balance to have both to foster feelings of competence and a sense of mastery both from within ourselves and from our world.
teaching how to reframe
Hard and challenging moments are.. hard and challenging! Even in adulthood it can be a struggle to find a silver-lining to some situations. Children at a young age have a hard time reframing moments of hardship or finding the positive but modeling and talking through the benefits of a rough time can help set a basis for them to learn to reframe tough times as they grow older.
how can we break a big problem into little pieces
Part of reframing can also include breaking big challenges into smaller and more accessible pieces. Oh no, we have all the legos on the floor and we need to clean it ALL up! Let’s clean up the blue ones first, then the green, then red, and so on. Creative ways to engage and break down large tasks feel so much more doable and fun!
doing dangerous things safely & healthy risk-taking
Exploring our limits and boundaries is such a crucial part of cultivating our own sense of what we can do and our sense of safety. Allowing children to try new things, use real-life tools and objects, and exploring the unknown activates their sense of bravery, curiosity, and helps them to grow their awareness of how to navigate new situations in a safe manner.
Next time you find yourself saying “be careful!” try adding some context and space for your child to problem solve, like, “Wow you climbed up really high on the tree! How do you plan to come down from the tree safely?”
acknowledge how actions help themselves AND their community
Children love to feel in community with their peers, friends, and within the home. They’re in the process of identifying how they fit within the larger social fabric of their communities, which is why identifying moments in which they helped a friend in need, contributed to a group effort, or do something for someone else can feel so gratifying to them. This internal feeling of being part of something larger is tied to their understanding that their actions don’t only affect them but those around us as well.
Some resources:
Institute of Child Psychology Free Webinar on Childhood Resilience
The Thing Lou Couldn’t Do by Ashley Spires
After the Fall by Dan Santat
I Am Courage by Susan Verde
My Strong Mind by Niels van Hove
I Can Do Hard Things by Gabi Garcia
We send a huge thank you to all for a wonderful transition into fall and hope that you have a wonderful long weekend!
