Potty Resistance? Let’s Talk About It!
Potty training often feels like a rollercoaster ride—just when you think you’re making progress, you hit an unexpected roadblock. And one of the most common hurdles? Poop resistance. Many toddlers and preschoolers happily pee in the toilet but refuse to poop anywhere except their diaper. If you’re navigating this challenge, you’re not alone!
Before frustration sets in, let’s take a deep breath and remember: your child wants to succeed, but something is making this step feel hard for them. Our job is to figure out what that is and offer support in a way that empowers them rather than pressures them.
Why Is Your Child Resisting Pooping on the Potty?
Understanding why your child is hesitant can make all the difference in how you approach it. Here are some common reasons toddlers resist pooping on the toilet:
1. They Struggle to Stay Still Long Enough to Eliminate
Some kids are always on the go and find it hard to slow down long enough to let their bodies do what they need to do. Sitting on the potty might feel like a waste of time when they’d rather be playing.
2. Constipation
Pooping is uncomfortable if a child is even slightly constipated. If they’ve had a painful experience in the past, they may now associate pooping on the potty with discomfort—even if they’re no longer constipated.
3. It Feels Different Than a Diaper
A diaper provides security. It holds the poop close to their body and creates a familiar sensation. The toilet, on the other hand, is open and unfamiliar. Some children need time to adjust to this new feeling.
4. Fear of Pain
If your child had one painful poop on the potty, they might now believe every poop will hurt. This is a classic case of being “primed” to expect discomfort, and it takes gentle reassurance to undo.
5. The Need for Control
Young children are learning independence, and their bodies are one of the few things they can control. And toddlers LOVE control! Refusing to poop on the potty might not be about the toilet itself—it could be about asserting their autonomy.
6. The “Poop is Part of Me” Feeling
For some toddlers, poop isn’t just waste—it feels like a part of their body. The idea of letting it fall away into the toilet can be unsettling.
Helping Your Child Feel Safe & Confident About Pooping on the Potty
Now that we know why poop resistance happens, let’s talk about what helps.
1. Rule Out Medical Causes First
If your child is constipated or has digestive issues, focus on resolving those first. Increase fiber-rich foods, offer plenty of water, and encourage movement. If constipation is severe, consult your pediatrician before trying other strategies. It’s important to rule any medical-related reasons first because if not, the other strategies just won’t work!
2. Identify Their Poop Timing
Most children poop around the same time each day—after meals, in the morning, or before bed. Once you identify their natural schedule, guide them to the potty when you suspect they’ll need to go. If your child is refusing to sit, make it a habit to let them know, “It’s okay if you don’t feel like you need to go or if you don’t want to go, but we will try. It’s always good to try!” If nothing comes out, still thank them for trying! It might take some time, but just getting into the habit of sitting for a few minutes during that poop-timeframe can help to get them comfortable enough to release.
3. Introduce the Potty in a Low-Pressure Way
Whenever they sit on the potty, remind them, “You can pee and poop here. It’s okay if nothing comes out, but we always try.” This keeps the expectation clear while removing any pressure to perform.
4. Make the Bathroom a Safe, Relaxing Space
• Allow them to bring a book or small toy.
• Keep their feet supported with a stool or use a small potty on the floor.
• Let them sit on the potty in their diaper first to build comfort.
5. Encourage Sitting Before Naptime (if They Wait for a Diaper to Poop)
If your child consistently poops in their naptime diaper, try sitting them on the potty for about 10 minutes before nap. Read a book or sing songs to make it feel natural.
6. Normalize Pooping on the Toilet
• Talk about how everyone poops in the toilet—including favorite characters or older siblings.
• Read books about pooping- list below!
• Let them see parents or siblings use the toilet (if they’re comfortable).
7. Avoid Pressure, Bribes, or Punishments
Children don’t resist pooping because they want to be difficult. They resist because something feels hard. We never want to create shame around this process, so avoid making it a big deal.
8. Use a Sticker Chart (if Your Child is Goal-Oriented)
For some kids, small incentives work well. If your child is motivated by rewards, consider a special sticker chart just for pooping in the potty. Keep the stickers exciting and exclusive—something they only get for potty success.
9. Take a Break If It’s Not Happening
If your child becomes highly resistant, it’s okay to pause and try again in a few weeks. Sometimes, stepping back gives them the space they need to be ready. Remember, there’s no right or wrong time for toileting. Each child’s body is different!
The Most Important Thing: Trust Your Child’s Timeline
Some kids poop on the potty effortlessly, and others need more time. It’s okay! Each child’s toileting journey is SO different! What matters most is that your child feels safe, confident, and respected in their potty learning journey.
By approaching potty training with patience and empathy, we’re not just helping them learn a skill—we’re helping them build trust in their bodies and in us.
Book recommendations:
It Hurts When I Poop
Nervous Nolan Goes Poopy on the Potty
I Am Learning to Poop on the Toilet!
Resources for parents:
