Embracing rough and tumble play!
When we think of children engaging in rough and tumble play or roughhousing, there can be a fear of someone getting hurt, or of a child thinking that engaging in play wrestling will encourage aggressive behavior. Quite the opposite is true! There’s plenty of research within early childhood psychology that shows the benefits of engaging in rough and tumble play.
This kind of play engages the whole body and the whole mind, bringing together different aspects of play. It engages the thinking brain, the emotional brain, whole body coordination, and the senses, having the child integrate a variety of different input and information at the same time. When a parent does rough and tumble play with their child, they’re consciously holding back. They know they’re the stronger one and therefore they tone down their force and energy to keep it fun and safe for their child. The interesting thing is that children do the same. Dr. Pellegrini from the University of Minnesota, shows this in his research on rough and tumble. He finds that children are better than adults at distinguishing between play and true aggression and therefore they too make a conscious effort to weaken themselves to keep the play going. We see this with siblings and children of different ages or different physical capacities.
Dr. Cohen, who has written many books on playful parenting, makes a wonderful metaphor, describing roughhousing as more of a dance than fighting. When engaging in this play, children are practicing the art of tuning into the other person, a critical skill in social development. The child who wants to continue playing must have the ability to not only read what expressions and emotions are being felt by their playmate or parent, but also plan their next move around that and coordinate their body to it.
Cognitive Development:
Problem-Solving Skills & Decision-Making Abilities:
Rough and tumble play often involves spontaneous decision-making and problem-solving. Children engaging in these activities learn to assess the situation quickly, make decisions on the fly, and adapt to ever-changing circumstances. This process stimulates the prefrontal cortex, which is the brain region responsible for executive functioning and enhancing cognitive flexibility and problem-solving skills. In the midst of rough play, children make decisions about their actions, reactions and strategies. This constant decision-making process engages the brain’s neural pathways, strengthening the connections responsible for executive functions.
Spatial Awareness:
The physicality of rough play requires children to be aware of their bodies and the space around them. Negotiating movement in relation to others fosters spatial awareness and an understanding of personal boundaries. Most importantly, they’ll quickly realize that their personal boundaries might look different than others and that’s okay! To keep the play going, they need to adapt and be responsive to other’s personal boundaries.
Social Development:
Cooperation and Negotiation:
Roughhousing provides a natural setting for children to learn cooperation and negotiation skills. They navigate complex social interactions, taking turns, and cooperating to achieve common goals. Negotiating play scenarios enhances their ability to understand others’ perspectives and work collaboratively.
Understanding Boundaries:
Through rough and tumble play, children develop an inntimae sense of personal space and boundaries. They learn when to push the boundaries of play and when to respect others’ limits. This understanding is foundational for establishing healthy relationships, as it teaches children to recognize and respect the autinomy of the people around them and to advocdate for their own as well. A key aspect of understanding boundaries is reading other people’s cues. Should I go faster, slower, harder, more gentle? Is the other person okay or did they get hurt? How much force is too much force? This is part of the skills that are developing in early childhood as children learn to communicate both verbally and non-verbally.
Empathy Building:
Engaging in physical play allows children to experience a range of emotions, from excitement to frustration. When a playmate falld or expresses discomfort, children have the opportunity to empathize and respond appropriately. This emotional connection builds empathy, a key component of positive soical interactions and relationships.
Self-Regulation:
Engaging in these types of activities also requires that the child regulate their own impulses. They need to merge a variety of information from their surroundings and their play partner all the while, regulate their bodies and emotions to not over extend physical play. Another benefit is that children are learning to modulate their cortisol (stress hormone) levels, which is a necessary skill to develop early on. As they rough play, cortisol is released, making it an ideal practice towards the development of effective stress response mechanisms.
In an episode of the Child Psychology Podcast by Tammy Schmuhn with Dr. Lawrence Cohen, he shares his method of roughhousing and his suggestions for parents of young children. He emphasizes that parents roughhousing with children is an ideal place to start because the parent can use it as a huge teaching and bonding moment. Dr. Cohen suggests beginning with a moment of connection- either a hug, a fun handshake, high-fives, a bow, or something to show a deep connection, love and respect between child and parent. The key is to hold rough play within the framework of connection because ultimately, that’s what it is, play. It’s not agression. This kind of play should also end with connection- again with a hug, handshake, or whatever bonding strategy is meaningful for you both. Then as you rough and tumble, you can integrate certain frameworks to maintain regulation and promote check-ins. Such as having a timer for every 30 seconds, stop for 3 seconds, take a deep breath together, then get back into play for another 30 seconds and so on. Having intentional, structured quick pauses helps to maintain the tempo of play and ensure it doesn’t get out of hand. It’s part of teaching emotion regulation because with the rise and fall of energy, you are helping your child learn about modulation and self control. It’s a challenge for young children to snap in and out of play, so it’s making the cognitive brain work twice as much.
While engaging with your child in this play, it’s important to also set your own boundaries so that they know to respect and acknowledge your personal space and limits, even if their 3-year-old force isn’t enough to actually bother you. From early on, you can practice by saying one-word cues and holding them to it. Such as “Stop!” and teaching them that they need to stop to check in before continuing the play. These are also wonderful moments to check in with your child and have them refelct on the play. It’s important for our children to determine their own level of risk and to assess what feels right to them. This is a great way to continue to reinforce their own awareness of self and personal risk-taking that is also developing at this age as they’re becoming more aware of the world around them and learning how to navigate and explore it with their many senses. It’s a way to understand the concept of that gentle edge between what feels safe and what feels like danger and how to properly identify that. At the end of the day, this type of play SHOULD be safe and should feel good and fun, so it’s important for your child to understand what that edge between the two feels like and how to navigate and advocate for themselves if they ever do feel that it’s gone beyond their safety threshold.
For more information about rough and tumble play along with other great play-based strategies, I recommend reading any of Dr. Lawrence Cohen’s books, Unplug and Play, The Art of Roughhousing, and Playful Parenting.
